We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
