I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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