This is not my ceiling
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
