the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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