Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
