we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
