i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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