you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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