swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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