This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
