did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
