forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
