oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
