I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
