Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the raccoons are back...
Randomize