I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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