I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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