i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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