based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I could fuck to npr.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
