You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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