brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i've created a new STD.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
