Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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