So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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