Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
