I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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