I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
