My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
