What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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