I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
