just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Can I color on your dick again?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
