HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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