look no pants
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
