She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
