Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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