like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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