I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
