It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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