Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
And then he peed in my hair
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