Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
