I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dick very happy bro
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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