I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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