I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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