I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
