Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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