Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
