Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
