i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
