She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
