No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
