Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
