i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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