Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
