Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
