Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A+ Viking dick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
