I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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