My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
