last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
