Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
