I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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