note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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