Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
