Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
