Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
