I'm lost and stupid without you.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
