Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
