she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
