im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
